This past weekend, I spent a lot of time with one of my best friends. I listened to her tell me about all of the issues she’s dealt with in the past week, and it made me remember the fact that bad things happen to good people. This friend is one of the best people I know. I’ve watched her grow up over the last 16 years, and to see her going through these issues as she prepares for one of the biggest events in her life was hard. But through it all, I watched her maturity. While she could have whined and cried about how unfair everything was, she instead put on a smile and talked about her plans to overcome the issues. While she was emotional when she talked about it in private, she handled everything firmly when needed. She told people clearly how she felt, and what she wanted, and it was at that moment that I realized that she wasn’t the 6 year old girl I remember her being. As Maya Angelou said, “You may not control all of the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
We have no control over what someone else does to us, but we have 100% control over how we react. Response to testing is my favorite taekwondo example of this. As a judge at regional and national testings, it will never cease to amaze me the difference in people when you give them feedback about a testing they passed versus feedback of a testing they got a no change at. If a judge says you passed, you are quick to take the feedback they gave you with a smile, and you ALMOST always react well. Why? Well, because the judge gave you the answer you wanted. On the contrary, when someone receives a no-change, they are quick to dismiss the judge’s comments. “They just don’t like me”, or “They don’t know what they’re talking about”, or even “I don’t understand why they would say that.” Why is this often the reaction? Because you didn’t get the answer you wanted. Your reaction is the only part of that process you can control. Reacting positively to a negative or unwanted situation shows that you have a maturity that many people don’t. That you’re able to use your brain instead of your emotions when you’re given an answer you don’t like. Witnessing it this weekend in a non-taekwondo situation made me realize just how important this aspect of your growth is.
You will not always get the answer you want. Life doesn’t work that way. Giving the same response to a positive and negative event show how much effort you’re actually putting in to yourself.